Couples Coaching – Does It Really Work?
By Elena and Trevor Long
Relationship coaching is dubbed to be one of the fastest growing services in the world, as part of the life coaching boom. So what makes it so special? The short answer is, it offers a results-oriented approach. Couples coaching is relationship coaching that specifically helps couples create a strong bond and lasting partnership.
What is interesting is that, compared to counselling (Including marriage counselling), and couples therapy, couples coaching focuses on helping one or both partners in a relationship to improve their connection by improving specific aspects such as communication, responding better to each other’s needs, as well as setting and achieving goals together. Unlike therapy clients, who want to understand why they feel what they feel, coaching clients want to take action to change their lives – quickly, with tangible results.
What is even more interesting is that a growing number of psychologists put time into studying coaching, because of the additional tools coaching and neurolinguistic programming (NLP) provide, in order to help clients resolve the underlying issues and focus on their future and goals instead.
One of the most famous couple coaches worldwide are Sage and Tony Robbins. They often work with couples who have entered the crisis stage of their relationship, and do the intervention in front of thousands of people during their events. What the authors of this article do, is coach couples following the same fundamental relationship principles, in an effective, results-driven, yet discreet manner.
What really makes the transformation for the couple possible, is the years of research, work with clients, and personal experience that have taught the coaches valuable lessons and help them identify patterns of behaviour. What is awesome about patterns is that once you know what the real issue is, as a coach, you know which tool and strategy to apply, in order to overcome the issue. Of course, the funny thing is, if the authors knew 10 years ago what they know today, they would not have ended their previous marriages. But the insights you get through your personal experience are the most fascinating and useful, aren’t they?
The majority of couples coaching clients that Elena and Trevor work with, fall into these groups:
– New relationships – where the two partners want to build the right foundations, figure out if they are really on the right path, and get the skills to create something worthwhile together.
We, as a coaching couple, are often approached by, as they call themselves, the average guy or girl. They are not necessarily married but have the awareness of the need to improve their relationship skills and be able to sustain a long-lasting, supportive and productive connection with their partner.
We offer one of the most profound and well-researched couples test that help you identify where you both stand in terms of values, expectations and goals in this relationship.
– Relationships that have lost the spark – where the two partners are at a crossroad.
This is where we work with couples whose relationship is somewhere between: “lost the spark” and “broken beyond repair”. On occasions they come to us after having tried other venues for help, including counselling, which have confirmed to them that it is useless to persevere with the current situation. Have we been able to help them turn the corner? Yes, time and time again.
– Business partners – couples who work together in their business.
You wear many hats as a business owner, and the dynamic gets even more complicated when you work together with your husband, wife, partner. How do you step from one role into the other, without breaking the trust and relationship you have created over the years? Without getting on each other’s nerves or killing the intimacy? A couple coaches who are in your shoes can give valuable insights into personality, communication, decision making, goal-setting and accountability strategies so that you can continue to be strong in business, and close and fulfilled as a couple.
Another benefit of having a couple coaching you, as a couple, is that you can be fairly certain that neither partner is going to be ‘picked on’, ‘unfairly blamed’ or ‘singled out’ during the sessions. This is one of the observations and positive feedback we receive about coaching with us, from couples who have previously attended marriage counselling or therapy. We know that it takes two to tango, and in most cases, there is no one person that is solely responsible for the relationship breakdown. This balanced and fair approach, focusing on what works, rather than rehashing old arguments, is what makes couples comfortable and willing to work with coaches who are also a couple.
So, in summary, in couples coaching, the end goal typically goes beyond open-ended aims like “getting closure” or “feeling happy”. It’s about helping the clients achieve measurable results, identify and overcome the problems that are hurting the relationship, and give them strategies for success – to achieve their goals and create a strong future together. And ultimately the results and benefits are tangible – from deciding to stay together, increased intimacy and connection, to designing and achieving new goals together, all achieved within weeks to several months of coaching.
About the authors:
As two of Australia’s leading Relationship Experts, Elena and Trevor Long have the unique advantage of being a couple, coaching other couples. This advantage greatly benefits their work and mostly their clients, by giving the perspective of both female and male partner, the different needs and best approaches for resolving the issues.
Elena Long and Trevor Long are authors of the bestselling book “Long Relationships: Cracking the Relationship Code.”