Have You Ever Had an Argument with Your Partner?
One where you can’t remember what it was about?
Of course you have – it’s most of them, right?
I do remember a big argument we had at home once. It was about diet yogurt. Say what?! Was it really about diet yogurt? Probably not. So what was the issue, if the issue wasn’t the issue? It was more like one of us showing a lack of love and/or respect, and things escalated from there.
Yesterday we had an argument. I have no idea what it was about. It begs the question, if you can’t remember the next day what it was about, was it worth arguing about in the first place? Probably not.
It wasn’t a long argument, I was leaving the room as it happened. I stood just outside the room and made a decision. I could carry on, leaving us both pissed off and upset, until it just ‘blows over’, or I could go back, give my wife some presence, acknowledge the issue, apologise if required, and give her the love she was desperately craving in that moment. So I chose the latter, argument over and forgotten, all in a couple of short minutes.
Arguments and disagreements are inevitable in any intimate relationship. It’s how you deal with them that makes the difference between suffering, tolerating or living a happy, blissful life with your intimate partner.
Our advice to resolving conflict in a relationship? Choose to go first. Choose to be the most mature person in that moment of time. If you are a guy, show her some love. If you are a woman, show him some respect. This is a top tip in conflict resolution, and giving respect applies not only to couples.
When you are both racing to ‘go first’, arguments and disagreements will blow over so much faster, and you’ll be wondering what the fuss was all about.
Of course there are going to be some issues that are more serious and are not just going to ‘blow over’ with a hug and a kiss. Agree on a time and place to discuss the issue when you are both calm.
For more information on how to quickly overcome little issues, resolve arguments, and how to calmly get through big issues, get our book “Long Relationships – Cracking the Relationship Code”, or contact us with questions and comments at: connect@longrelationships.com.au
Elena and Trevor Long are Relationship Coaches, Authors and Speakers. We help couples improve their relationships, achieve their goals together, and create a role model for the next generation.